Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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