I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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