This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
