just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize