I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
