her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
