i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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