does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
