I am puke
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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