just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
