I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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