oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
