Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
