I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
