Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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