Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

I wish I could punch you in the face.

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(303): View more from Colorado

You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.

(303): View more from Colorado

She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye

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(561): View more from Florida

My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Either way I should probably pregame on the plane

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(907): View more from Alaska

Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.

(1-907): View more from Alaska

Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?

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(407): View more from Florida

I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies

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(512): View more from Texas

It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car

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