I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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