I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize