just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
