I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
