You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
