people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You made out with two different species that night
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
