when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
