So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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