Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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