i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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