I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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