Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I have surprise drugs for everyone
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
