Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
