Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
