Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
