we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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