I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
