Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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