so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
