I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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