just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
