i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize