Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
