I need to stop coming to work sober
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
