i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
