One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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