That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
