my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
