I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
