I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He did a backflip because drugs
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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