Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Never joke about your clitoris.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
