dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
