she woke up with a sticky ear
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
