Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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