Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
