I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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