She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
