dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
