remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
