kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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