Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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