if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
