if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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