i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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