You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
