highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
