i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize